Kit
by Kapu Roxy
Summary: When Jack is threatend by a young lady pirate it leads to new crew a member adventure and possible romance
1. Default Chapter

**POTC**

Chapter 1: Errrrrrrrr… name…. Must think of name later

A/N: this is the 1st ever fic I've written on my onsey **not any more **so R'n'R savvy…** not any more you didn't, you got stuck but this can got  on your account, see what a nice person I am I'm even uploading it for you **. O.K. enough with the POTC Lingo well Jack Sparrow Lingo at any rate…mmmmmmm Jack Sparrow (_damn straight…..drool)_ **ooooooo Will Turner cue screaming fan girls**….. Aannnnnndd I'm **WE'RE **back.

Any way back to were I was before I got distracted. Moi easily distracted! Never! Oh shiny…. **Oooooooo Will 9**_bleurgh…Jack you're my captian…OH AND I'M MADI THE BETA)_

**The fonts should explain the writers t-d is bold kapuroxy normal and madi da beta is italics **

Let's just get on with the fic…

Disclaimer: I don't own (unfortunately) any of the POTC characters (other wise I'd be filthy rich with 5 houses and a dead Vanessa Paradis  by now) but I do own any one else that pops up that wasn't in the film.

THE ACTUAL FIC

On the pearl Jack is getting err what's the word for it ahh yes drunk…

Jack: slurred speech Bring me some more rum Mr.Gibbs!!

Gibbs: But Capin' we've ran out

Jack: What!! But why is the rum gone???? _(I know how you feel…MY RUM!!!!)_

Gibbs: well you and the crew 'ave drank it all Sir

Jack: How far is it to the nearest port?

Gibbs: We'll be at Tortuga by mornin' Sir

Jack: Tortuga! Great stuff Mr.Gibbs!! Great stuff!!

The next day at Tortuga …

Jack: Scarlet! Gets slapped by Scarlet Ow! Now why did I deserve that? (_two guesses…) _

Scarlet: You didn't, but it give our Kit chance to 'ave your gold me lad!

Jack: What! Where is he!

Kit: Holds dagger to Jacks neck 3 things my friend, 1) right here 2) I ain't a he and 3) don't swallow.

Jack: stops mid-swallow You cheated!

Kit: Pirate!

Jack: Dejavo!

Kit: Huh?

Jack: Do you know who I am?

Kit: I think Scarlet told me, Jack Crow, Jack Wren, Jack Parrot summat like that anyway.

Jack: Jack Sparrow! _Captain_ Jack Sparrow!! _(yes! And don't you forget it!)_

Kit: Knew it was some sort a bird, anyway don't really matter to me.

Jack: Well it looks like it should!

Kit and Scarlet: Notice Jacks crew surrounding them

Kit: [censored for younger reader's protection] _(but Michael _**Madi, I'm not a boy AND MY NAME IS NOT MICHEAL**_, I LIKE swearing!!!)_ Hey Red I thought you said that any companions wouldn't be a problem! Because this lot look like a problem!

Scarlet: Well how was I to know! Last time he came with a reedy little lad in tow and no one else! Name was Will Tanner or Turner I think.

Kit: Whispers to Scarlet W-will Turner. Will & Jack Will Turner? Why didn't you say so! Oh holy mother of [censored]! This guy is famous all through out well… every where! We are so dead!

Jack: What are you going on about! Oh and please move the dagger its kind of worrying my men here.

Kit: Puts dagger away **Sorry bout dat mate, how about I buy you some rum and we forget about this**

**Jack: Now you're talking my language. But since when did girls like rum, even Anamaria… he cut off, remembering what had happened to the only female pirate, or so he thought**

**Kit: But I ain't a normal girl, I'm a pirate, well I will be when I can find a ship that don't see me a curse. (**_lucky bitch….that's my place!!)_

**Jack: Well that we can solve, we're down a crewmember and that's where you come in.**

**Kit: But ain't a girl a curse**

**Jack: Na, the missing crewmember I spoke of is he swallowed or rather was a girl.**

**Kit: Sorry.**

**Jack: Na it don't matter (a/n from t-d: note to kitty u can bring her back if you like cus…) well I say she's dead but we're not really sure, cus of the code you see. [censored for the protection of younger readers]** _(bah, censoring is for sissys. Bring on the hardcore swearing!)_** code.**

**Kit: Oh…**

**Jack: Anyway, what bout that drink?**

**Kit: Oh yeah sure, only you mind, an out of work pirate ain't the most profitable of jobs. greeted by wolf whistles from the crew And none of that I ain't being ships whore **_(that's a rudey word, why aint it censored Michael? _**Cause then it won't make sense AND MY NAME IS NOT MICHEAL, IM NOT A BOY**_)_**, that Reds job.**

**Scarlet: Why you [censored for the protection of younger readers] slaps Kit**

**Kit: Okay maybe I deserved that, you never know.**

**Jack: Hey, not getting any younger, come on – drink. **

**Kit: Okay, this way.**

**Jack: What's your name anyway?**

**Kit: Kit (a/n from t-d: that looks weird) and I know yours is Jack.**

**Jack: That's Captain Jack to you and everybody else.**

**Kit: as they arrive at they tavern Is it now**

**Jack: Well actually, you can call me Jack special privilege.**

**Kit: I bet you say that to every woman you meet.**

**Jack: Only the pretty ones.**

**Kit: And I'm I pretty.**

**Jack: No, you're beautiful.**

**Kit: And I bet you say that to every woman you meet too.**

**Jack: I'm a truth person me.**

**Kit: At the risk of repeating myself again, I bet you say that to every woman.**

**Jack: Okay, you know me too well and I met you erm what ten minutes ago.**

**Kit: Twelve actually.**

**Jack: Shut up and get me more rum, lots more rum. ****(**_rum rum rum rum rum rum!! _**lol**_)_

**Kit: It's your round, but I'll buy them if you tell me about the pearl.**

**Jack: Well when I was 20 me old dad died and… **_(yea, riiiiiight jack ma lad…)_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: still aint thought of a chapter name 4 the 1st 1 let alone this one

A/N: YAY!! I'm no longer alone I ve got my buddy tricksters-daughter harming my self-confidence as I type

**What self-confidence?? I thought I got rid of it all.**

Well u aint although u seem 2 av removed wat little spelling ability I had****

**What spelling ability, you didn't have any to start with.**

Yeah I did

**No, you had a spell check.**

Ooo

Duh anyway is this a fic or a a/n 

A/n

**But its meant to be a fic.**

Ooo

**Come on, sorry about that guys, man where did I get you?**

Erm.. school, anyway I got u

**totally oblivious oh yeah the pet shop. Anyway…**

****

**Disclamer****: holds knife to roxys throat **

**Roxy****: "she owns everything" **

**t-d: only joking you know the drill**

**The Fic.******

****

The next morning Jack is waiting for his latest crew member.

**Jack: Where did ya go, I didn't get to finish my story.**

**Kit: That wasn't the end!**

**Jack: No, where was I. Oh yeah… Will got me out of jail and…**

**Kit:groans I already know that…**

**Jack: Oh well, I'll tell ya it anyway…**

Gibbs: notices Kit for the first time Captin a woman on boards bad luck!

Jack: We had Anamaria…

Gibbs: That was a woman????

Jack: Yeah, how could you not notice 

**Gibbs: Forget it, anyway we need to set sail if you insist on bringing her.**

Jack: I do, wheres Cotton and Jon 

Gibbs: Err, well they had a little to much rum and got into a fight and well to cut a long story short their dead.

**Kit: so were two crewmembers down.**

**Jack: Thanks genius, we can't sail until we find new ones.**

**Kit: Funny you should say that because… two girls step out from behind Kit this is Aly** and Stacey. Can they join? Innocent eyes

Aly had short dark brown hair croped like a boys and green eyes and was quite petite. She was dressed in boys clothes. Stacey was slightly taller with lighter hair and blue eyes

Jack: gestures to Aly She looks like she won't be much use in a fight.

Aly: I can use a long sword and a broad sword, shoot three different types of gun, and I could kill you with my bare hands before you had time to blink.

Jack: She's in! And what about the other one?

Kit: Puts a hand in front of Stacey Do you really want to know?

Jack: Just take 'em aboard!

Kit: Thankyouthankyouthankyou! Hugs Jack and runs aboard with Aly and Stacey

Jack: Okay then looks slightly scared.

Crew: wolf whistle and one shout of you lucky [censored for the protection of younger readers]!

A/N soz dat its so short!!!

T-Ds A/N: Yeah Roxys making me upload, sorry guys. Oh and I didn't get chance to give it to Madi


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: I have a name, I have a name! Chapter 3! 

Disclaimer: We don't own any of the characters from POTC (or I'd have better things to do with Jack than sit here and write fics) but random people who weren't in the film belong to t-d or me, mainly me, in fact they're all mine! **No they're not ally's mine! **Whatever!

A/n: Roxy stop sleeping on my shoulder, the computer has finally loaded up 

Mew? Oh right. Okay… your shoulder is bony!

I said Roxy not Kitty 

Piff off puffball

See what I have to live with, she has 6 personalities 

And none of them like you!

Kitty: but t-d my fri-end confused!

Huh oh well please get into Kit mode it's the only good one for fic writing 

Whatever

Okay bashes Kitty's head in a vague attempt to make her become Kit 

Ow threatens wit dagger

No spiting, crying, ignoring, threatening with random guns or smiling. ITS KIT! Thank you at last 

Can we get on with this please?

Yup 

Good and the Nazi Flag is orange!

Not again! Please God! And you do know this A/N has taken up a page. 

Yes. Not any more though changed format .

Wait that's smiley. NNNNNOOOOO! 

THE FIC **(readers faint with shock** (all two of them)

Three months later and we're back at Tortuga…. Because ….you guessed it… they've run out of…. Food** (readers: isn't it rum? **Roxy: Noy **Readers: But you said we guessed it **Roxy: fine I'll change it) Rum and because Stacey decided she doesn't like constant sea sickness.

Oh and Jack is in a bar hitting on a Blonde who looks vaguely familiar…

Jack: Haven't I seen you before?

Blonde: Yes Mr. Sparrow.

Kit: Jack stop hitting on her for Gods sake!

Jack: Why Should I?

Kit: Have you even bothered to ask her name?

Jack: I was getting around to it!

Blonde: Dear me Mr. Sparrow! You've forgotten me already!

Kit: you haven't slapped him recently so of course he's forgotten you! He only remembers me enough not to try hitting on me 'cause I thumped him for it last time!

Blonde: Oh! O.K. Mr. Sparrow it's me Jenny Turner! Will's sister!

Jack: S--t! Please don't tell Will! Please!

Jenny (Blonde): I won't tell him Mr. Sparrow. (To Kit) Tell him what exactly.

Kit: Nothing, just ignore the rambling drunkard.

Jenny: Oh O.K.

10 minutes later in a different tavern…

Ally: Hey Kit! Who's the Bimbo? Not another one of jacks err… ladies of ill repute, is she?

Kit: This is Jenny Turner.

Ally: TURNER! As in Will Turner as in Jack and Will? (Kit Nods) Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-ugar. Sorry about that luv how bout some rum?

Jenny: Kit, what is rum?

Ally: What the f--k she dunno what rum is!

Kit: Well now's the opportune moment to show 'er then ain't it!

_10 minutes later…_

(Jenny: throwing up)

Ally: Possibly not the best bar to show 'er what rum is 'ay Kit?

Kit: (spits out rum) Never in my life thought I'd do that!

Jack: (Wanders next to them) Can't be that bad! Orders rum

Kit: Don't say we didn't warn you!

Jack: (Spits out rum) Tastes like p--s! That's it I'm off rum for good! Every one but Kit faints

Kit: Took you long enough and I'll believe you've given up rum when I see it!

Jenny: (Wakes up) Hey!

Kit: What?

Jenny: Ally called me a bimbo!

Kit: That was 10 minutes ago!

Jenny: Oh

Kit: Gawd and I thought that Jack was slow on the uptake!

Jack: Any one have any rum?

Ally: (Wakes up) How long was that Kit?

Kit: 2 and a ½ minutes.

Jack: YOU TIMED ME!

Kit: That's worse than last time he withstood 4 minutes then!

Jack: Lets head back to the ship!

Kit: Should we take Blondie?

Jack: No

Kit: She's Blonde and slightly drunk and we are in Tortuga...

Jack: Bring her then!

_Later out at sea…_

Ally: Captain I've found a stowaway!

A/N: for some odd reason there is an extra page that contains NO fic what so ever.Oh well it appears to have gone now.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter4: Stowaway** (finally, she thought of a name **HEY! I had a name for the last one!** You called it chapter 3** aannnnd…)

Disclaimer: Err read previous chapters

T-D's Disclaimer: Holds Magnum 40 to Kapu's head 

Kapu: She owns everything (rolls eyeballz) do we have to do this everytime it's ssssooo boring

T-D: Only joking guys – you know the drill 

Kapu: Now remove the gun… good doggy!

A/N: errrrrrrrr… shall we just do the fic as the last A/N: went wrong.

T-D: Yup **THE FIC**

_Last chapter ended…._

Ally: Captain I found a stowaway!

_New Chapter…_

Ally: Can-I-Kill-It-Can-I-Kill-It?

Kit: Errrrr shove 'im off the plank

Jenny: NO! HE"S CUTE!

Ally and Kit: AND!

Jenny: You can't shove him off the plank! I'll-I'll…Protect him with my life!

Kit: Ok, luv, you can protect him for what, two minutes? Savvy?

_The stowaway standing on the end of the planks pipes up nervously._

Stowaway: Err…can you not push me off the plank…and another thing; I'm NOT a he…

Stowaway takes off bandana around head and messy locks of auburn hair tumble around her shoulders.

Ally: OK! Can-I-kill-her-Can-I-kill-her!

Kit: It could just be a boy with long hair!

Stowaway: Ahem, I think not…

Stowaway fiddles with something at the back of her shirt and then a corset slips down around her ankles and the bumps are quite noticeable.

Kit: Definitely not a bloke, then…

Ally: CAN I KILL HER NOW?

Jenny: It's a girl! YOU CAN'T KILL A GIRL! WE"RE ALL GIRLS ANYWAY!

Kit: I can kill a girl. Ally can too…

Ally: KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL!

Kit: Oh for the love of…I've got to go and speak to Jack about this now… crap…

_Walks into the cabin to "confer" with the Captain._

**Half an hour later.**

Stowaway: Can I come off the plank now? Pleeeeeeeeeease?

Ally: BUT I WANTED TO KILL SOMETHING!

Kit: (appears)Tough. She's staying on the ship, so says the Cap'ain.

Ally: (jumps) Meanie…

Jenny: YAY! WE HAVE ANOTHER GIRL!

Stowaway: Is she going to attack me?

Kit: Which one?

Stowaway: The one who said she'd protect me…she's scaring me…a lot…

Jenny: WHAT? I'M NOT SCARY! I LOVE GIRLS!

Stowaway: That's what scares me.

Kit: Jenny, that sounded ambi...ambog…ambiggy…dubious!

Ally: Can I kill _Jenny _then?

Kit: NO! NO KILLING!

Stowaway: CAN I PLEASE COME OFF THE PLANK NOW!

Kit: Oh yeah, right…

_Stowaway comes off the plank._

Kit: Who are you anyway?

Stowaway: Mark- I mean, Anamaria. But Maria for short…

Everyone does double-take.

Kit to Jack: _THAT'S_ ANAMARIA!

Jack (paling): No no no no, that's not her, it's NOT her…

Maria: WHAT!

Kit: Long story, not going into it, Jack doesn't like this particular story anyway.

Maria: Right…so what am I going to do…?

Ally: IT'S _AN _ANAMARIA! CAN I KILL HER?

Kit: You, below, NOW.

Ally: You can't order me around!

Kit: Wanna see my try?

_Draws herself up to full height over Ally, towering over her._

Kit: I'm First Mate, mate.

Ally: Stupid captain-screwing whore…

Kit: Excusez _moi_?

Ally: Nooooooooooothing…and how come you speak French?

Kit: That was French? I'll take yer word for it…

_Both go below deck._

Jack: Okay, my to-do list _(muttering to self)_ More rum…tick…even more rum…tick…extra for nightcaps…tick…clean the decks…can't be bothered…Kit…to-do tonight…

Kit (back on deck): Give me that! _(grabs it and reads it) _Rum…rum…rum…ME! JACK!

Jack: Oops, wrong list. _(tries to take it back but Ally steals list)_

Ally: Hey! Why am I on this!

Jack: It's meant to be my, err…to kill list!

Kit: That's understandable…But why am I on the list then? And rum?

_(Angry look)_

Jack: …err….I gotta go check the bearings, tata! _(Runs)_

Kit: He is SO dead…


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – In which Jack is chased…again.

A/N: Hello and welcome back to this lunchtime's episode offfffff…err, it doesn't actually have a name yet, _unsurprisingly_, _it's Amy and the Psycho Posse writing this.( This italic's is Madi speaking in the author's Notes. Basically because I'm typing, I get to monopolize the plot. MUAHAHAHA!)_ Sorry, Madi got hold of the keyboard _(I'm typing this right now, durbrain)_ ANYWAY, time for the proper A/N. _(ahem, since when have you EVER done proper A/Ns?)_

All together now: SHUT UP MADI! Oh yeah T-D is now Alyios and that all the information we have for you today.

_(bleh bleh, genius is never appreciated by those with brains too microscopical to understand…)_

Let's just get on with the fic…**that might be a good idea, Kit. There's a first time for everything, they say…**

Disclaimer: Err if you don't know it already you are a) blind and therefore won't be reading this anyway or b) very stupid. But anyway, so we don't have nasty, frothy-mouthed lawyers at our backs, we don't own anything that showed up in the film etc etc…and if you didn't watch the film; WHY THE HELL ARE YOU READING THIS!

_Now, ONWARD TO ZE FIC!_ (Yup, Madi's just gone French…)

THE FIC 

Kit: JACK, YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE THIS TIME! (chases after him and slaps him)

Jack: Wasn't sure I deserved that…

Kit: (SLAP!)

Jack: Ow…or that…

Maria: Err…are they always like this?

Ally and Jenny: YUP.

Maria: Okay…what do you want me to do then?

Ally: Well, you look light, so you better go up in the crow's nest and keep a watch for any merchant vessels.

Maria: Yes sir.

Ally: Sir…?

_Maria scales the rigging easily up to the crow's nest, lithe and agile as any cat. _

Kit: I'm glad she's up there. I hate heights…

Maria: (Yells)Argh, so do I.

_Maria falls over in the crow's nest._

Maria: Stupid thing keeps moving! Grr…(_grabs onto the side of the crow's nest to keep still)_

Kit: Yes dear, it's called the wind. On a boat. At sea. With pirates.

Jenny: Are you OK?

Maria: NO!

Ally: Ah well, I can't kill it then…the storms will.

Jack: Kit can you go and save the greenie please?

Kit: (high pitch squeal) NO! Too high… _clings to Jack_

Jack: _smiles happily_

Ally: I'll do it!

Kit: _Stops clinging. Slaps _Saving the greenie does NOT entail throwing them from the crows nest!

Ally: Can I throw her from the rigging please?

Kit: YOU. BELOW. NOW!

Ally: Why?

Kit: Fine you don't have to go below but no killing OR harming in any way the greenie.

Ally: (sulks) Fine.

Jack: We need some one to go save the greenie…

Jenny: I'll do it!

Kit: You're in a Skirt… and you will be climbing the riggin'

Jenny: Oh no I won't do it then

Jack: I refuse and every one else is asleep.

Kit: I'll have to do it then (whimpers)

(Kit slowly climbs the rigging and helps Maria on to the rigging from the crows nest then grabs the mast in a death grip)

Kit: Err I think I'll stay here until the storm stops.

(Two seconds later Kit is back on deck)

Kit: It was cold and wet and cold and wet and - shouldn't Ally keep watch next time she like heights - and cold and wet and cold-

Jack O.K. love we get it…how bout some rum hey my special stuff should perk you right up hmmm.

Kit: Sure

Ally: Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean what did you put in the rum Jack.

Jack: Whispers to Ally

Ally: What! Is that even legal! Wait, no we're pirates, it doesn't matter. Oh well it is Kit, I'm sure it'll be fine, just don't give any to Jenny or me.

Jack: Okay sure, Will may be a eunuch but he's good with a sword and you kinda scare me.

Ally: Okay, Kit the rums fine.

Kit: (Look's worried) Ya know I'll think I'll pass, at least until they invent the NHS in the Caribbean

Ally: Aw, actually it probably was a good idea to pass, cause it's not nice, it's probably not legal and it's certainly not healthy, he put (whispers to Kit)

Maria: Is any one going to tell me? She looks around and everyone is ignoring her Oh wait I've gone invisible again haven't I? (!)

Kit: Urgh, defiantly not legal, not drinking that.

Jenny: What is it?

Ally: Nope not telling, you're much too innocent.

Kit: For once I actually agree with you, Will would kill us. When we actually meet him. Errrrr…..well if….

Maria: Yup; I've gone invisible.

Ally: (Looks at Maria and smiles menacingly while fingering dagger hilt)

Maria: I wish I was invisible, I wish I was invisible, I wish I was invisible…am I invisible?

Ally: No. –advances with knife-

Kit: No.

Jack: Ally what did I say about killing the greenie.

Ally: Err…I don't remember?

Maria: 'Don't kill the greenie'?

Ally: Shut up, greenie!

Maria: I'm not sayin' nothin'…

Kit: Stop being mean to the greenie! The greenie has a name!

Ally: What name? I don't see any name!

Maria: I'M CALLED MARIA!

Ally: Well excuuuuuuse me. (small voice) Greenie…

Maria: I HEARD THAT!

Kit: The greenie is revolting against us! (cowers behind Jack)

Ally: Yeah, she's disgusting ain't she…?

Maria: (pulls out knife from belt)

Kit: EEK! IT'S GOT A KNIFE! SAVE ME JACK! (jumps into his arms)

Jen: You all have knives!

Jack: Huh? I have a knife?

Kit: Yes, it's sticking into me!

Jack: Oh, that isn't my knife…

Kit: (jumps down. slaps)

Jack: Ow…do all of you women have some sort of book of slapping!

All females but Ally: Yes.

Ally: Actually, I have a book on castration…

Kit & Maria: Probably more effective.

Kit: Can I borrow that?

Jack: (colour drains from face backs away slowly muttering stuff about 'bloody women')

Kit: What about Ally? She don't count as a woman.

Ally: (pulls out her dagger)

Kit: (pulls out Jacks sword) See Jack you do have some sort of weapon!

Jack: And something else, darling'…

Kit: (THWACK!)

Maria: You do that to him a lot.

Kit: That's because he's one sick puppy.

Maria: He he…woof woof!

Ally: And everyone's going crazy on me, but I'm not bothered…I'm not bothered….

Kit: You've said that already.

Jenny: What did he mean… something else….

Maria: If you think about it really _hard _I'm sure you'll get it.

All but Jenny and Ally: snicker

Ally: Ewwwwww

Jenny: Wha-?

Will's Voice: Don't tell her.

Authors: YOU AIN'T IN IT YET!

WV: Sorry… (sulks)

Authors: You do know that they can't see you right?

WV: Oh yeah….

Jenny: Is my brother God?

God: NO I AM GOD!

Jenny: Oh…

Kit: (bows)

Ally: (blinks)

Maria: Eeek! (Hides behind Ally) Eeek! (Runs hits mast) OWWWWW!

Ally: Idiot! Why is Kit and that lot bowing?

Jack: I ent

Kit: (Kicks Jack)

Jack: (bows)

Voices: (leave)

Ally: Can I do that?

Authors: NO! (leave)

A/N: Will Jenny ever find out what they're all going on about? Will we ever work out what was in the rum? Will Will ever show up? (Arrgh to many Wills. Agggrh another one. hides) Will Ally ever get to do the cool voice thing?(No!) Will Madi ever have some motivation to do homework? (Actually, we already know this one…)

**This is the shortest A/N ever……**


End file.
